How do you spell spaghetti?

And just like that, my non-cooker's guide to cooking starts, with a thunderous clanking of pots and pans on the floor. I’m not so big on entry posts so here’s what basically all you need to know about this blog and me. I’m a dude who doesn’t necessarily know how to cook so I’m making a blog (a web log to you cavemen readers) to show other non-cookers what’s what. 

Depending on who you ask name is either "Jordan", "JD", or "A disappointment". You can call me whatever because who am I to tell you what to do? Now shut up so I can tell you how to cook. 

So being my first post I thought I’d start off with something easy. Like spaghetti. It’s Italian! Italians are easy (going) right?

In this shitty, shitty kitchen, magic will soon happen

To start off this recipe of (hopefully) non-disaster these are the main ingredients I used:

Barilla Whole Grain Noodles

Classico Italian Sausage

*You could ground your own meatballs out of meat/tofu/birds or you can buy pre-made meatballs and zap them in your microwave. I however didn't because 2 much werk. 

Step 1: Get a pot. Fill a little over half way full of water and place it on the stove like so. You’re doing great so far keep it up you!

You're doing a great job so far. I really mean it.
*Stifles insincere giggle*

Step 2: Turn the heat up high so the water can start to boil. Put a pinch of salt in as well to speed things up. Also a smidgen of olive oil so that the noodles won’t stick. Speaking of olive oil….

I'll take things not to do for $100 Alex.

ONLY PUT A SMIDGEN OF OIL INTO THE POT.  Otherwise it will just be a hot-tub of olive oil boiling away with your noodles and nobody wants that.

You're a virgin for a reason

After dumping out that vat of oil that would make any Texan Saudi faint, I proceeded to fill the pot with water again but this time I only added a drop of oil.

Step 3: Wait until the water starts to boil. This may take awhile depending on how high you keep your heat settings.

Step 4: Once the water starts to boil add your noodles! Add noodles by breaking them in half over the pot so that the excess noodles don’t fly anywhere. The amount of noodles you add depends on how many people you plan on serving, so chances are if you are reading this you’ll be cooking just for one. 

Boil till you hear the screams

Here’s a song to help cope with that. 

Step 5: Once the noodles are in the pot you wait again for roughly 10-15 minutes. Once it’s approaching the end mark, scoop out a noodle and cut it with a fork. The softer it is the better to eat!

Step 6: Pick whatever sauce you want. There’s a variety of them so don’t be stingy with it. I however chose Classico’s Italian Sausage sauce.

Step 7: Eat your work you magnificent chef!

So there you have it! You know how to cook and eat spaghetti! Don't you feel like you've accomplished something?!

Not really?

Well me either... but really I did. Yay!  

And as always a word from the world's most encouraging sister